And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a mouse,
But up in the attic,
An evil did lurk,
A board game that turns,
Family members to jerks,
Forgotten and dusty,
It waits there all year,
When everyone’s hearts
Are filled with good cheer,
To start blazing arguments,
Trouble and strife,
Where brother hates brother,
And husband hates wife,
Making money, buying property
And being mean,
A Scroogier game,
There’s never has been
The board will be flipped,
As someone storms stroppily,
From the miserly game,
That’s known as …Monopoly
This is the sort’ve game that gets shoved up here and forgotten about up until someone suggests we play it at Christmas and this, with my family at least, is a very bad idea.
Monopoly is undoubtedly one of the best selling games in the world, first introduced in 1933 it has sold over 250 million copies have been sold and three of them are under this roof. The idea for this show came from sorting through the attic, it was an absolute mess and it needed organising. When going through I came across THREE copies of monopoly, my dad’s version from the 1970s, my old copy from the 90s and a new copy we bought last Christmas for £10 purely because we forgot that we had two other copies… this is thing with monopoly, it so seldom gets played, you forget you own it. So first, I’m gonna look at these three copies and see, if the board, pieces and game rules have change, if at all, over the span of nearly 50 years
Naturally, the box art has been updated over the years as to be expected, my favourite of the three here, the vintage one, hands down, it has a touch of class to it that the others seem to lack, the modern one reminds me of an early 90s educational video game. On to the contents…well, the boards are….near enough identical! The modern version folds down again to make it’s space smaller, but the street names, positioning, even the graphics are completely unchanged. I love how after nearly 85 years the stations still have steam engines, the free parking has an old car. The play pieces…well, again, largely unchanged! The classics are all here, the car, the battleship, the corgi, the modern editions include a new piece however, the cat.
None of these have any advantage or disadvantage, they’re all purely cosmetic. What an odd assortment of objects to use for game pieces, if you’re driving round streets and buying houses and hotels, why not everyone have cars? Why is there an iron, an old boot and a top hat? Vintage copies of the game had wooden pieces for the houses and hotels.
None of these have any advantage or disadvantage, they’re all purely cosmetic. What an odd assortment of objects to use for game pieces, if you’re driving round streets and buying houses and hotels, why not everyone have cars? Why is there an iron, an old boot and a top hat? Vintage copies of the game had wooden pieces for the houses and hotels.
As for the rules of Monopoly….well, these have remained unchanged too, showing that this is an enduring game nonetheless.
Speaking of the rules, this game is notorious for house rules, usually implemented to advantage or disadvantage a player. For example, whenever we played, would make a full circuit of the board before being allowed to buy anything, an utterly pointless rule that I’m sure was put in place to to stop someone buying property another player wanted. Another rule commonly put in place is that you can only buy a property by landing on it. We played it this way for years, going round the board hoping to land on that one square to complete a set…and missing it every time. That was the absolute opposite of a fun time.
Monopoly seems plagued by house rules, everyone has their own opinion on how it should be played and the first hurdle of any game is agreeing on the rules you’ll be playing with, expect at least one “…well, that’s not the way I play it!”
Of course, the best way of combating this is to use the printed rules, you know, the ones on the box lid or manual that everyone seemingly ignores. So, here it is, THIS is the proper way to play Monopoly…
You pick a random bit of junk (I’ll be the battleship) and start at GO! You roll two dice and you move your counter in clockwise direction. Where you land, you are able to buy that property for the list price. Here’s a rule that practically no-one pays any heed to. If you don’t want to buy it, it then goes to auction. That’s right, you don’t need to land on a square to buy it, in fact, using this method, you can get squares most instances for cheaper than list price. Of course, some asshole will see that you need said square to complete a set and will either keep bidding to run up the price to some astronomical level or to the point you go “fine! Take the damn thing”….you can begin to see how the arguments start in this game, but that’s just the beginning….
Playing this way, the property gets snapped up A LOT quicker and the game begins properly at a much faster rate. Naturally, opponents will snap up what they can for the cheapest prices and will buy property to spite you, you need kings cross station to complete the set? Tough luck, someone else bought it. So, what do you do, you want to build houses and hotels and, well, MONOPOLISE on things…
Well, you can trade! You can opt to swap properties, buy properties from other players and you set the price! This again can cause serious arguments…. Oh…OH you want mayfair do you? Oh ok, sure…£3000, or trade me your three stations for it. With wily players, this can get seriously heated, you’ll learn quickly that your loved ones and friends can be really vindictive and sly.
Once you have a full set of properties, you can then begin to build houses and hotels on them and this is where it starts to become seriously expensive. It’s an investment, and acts as a “give me your money now” space to every other player. Naturally, owning as much property as possible gives you the most opportunities to earn money off your fellow players, so getting as many as you can at the start is advantageous, however, being selective on the ones you buy is crucial. Old Kent Road is the cheapest…but it’ll give you the least amount of revenue off it where as Mayfair is the most expensive, will cost most the get hotels on there but will earn you the most revenue should players land on it. Pros will try to get all the stations as they appear on every side on the board. By the way, this is the UK version of the game with London based streets, these vary from country to country and state to state.
Landing on another players property means you owe them money and vice versa. If you’re lucky, you’ll find your cash growing…unlucky, it’ll dwindle into a few measly notes. And this will definitely get your goat up. Losing in this game sucks and it’s bitter. You’ll end up selling hotels, properties, stations just keep going and you know that you’re just prolonging the inevitable, with every sell you’re giving your opponents more ammunition to nuke your cash out of oblivion. And, knowing my friends and family, they won’t do this with good grace, they’ll smugly rub this fact in your face, waving wads of £500 in your face and your resentment and temper will rise.
Of course, I can’t not mention CHANCE and COMMUNITY CHEST. These squares will require you to draw a card and they’ll either help or hinder you, winning in a beauty pagent, win money, and of course the dreaded “GO TO JAIL, GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT £200” It’s so seldom you land on one and you’re praying for a good card, landing on one of these is like 50/50 luck, you want to land it rather than an opponents square and give them money but you don’t want to lose any more money with a bad card. That’s the thing with Monopoly, it builds mistrust for all your opponents you’d sooner take this option rather than give them a single penny of your earnings.
Naturally during the course of a game, someone will eye suspiciously the person playing banker and question if they’re giving themselves money and if they’re counting out money correctly. This game really is a tinderbox for arguments.
The game ends when everyone else is broke to the point that they’ve sold every asset and their money has dried up. It’s a last man standing affair and being “out” and watching others play on is a miserable affair. Most games of this I’ve played, we’ve all looked at what we’ve got left after it’s painfully obvious who’s winning and just said “look, we get it, you’re winning, you win ok, you win the sodding game, can this end now?” This game is a slow torture, and there’s been times were the game has ended with the board being flipped.
I’ve mentioned countlessly how this game causes arguments amongst my family and friends and it would appear that I’m not alone in this. Last year, Hasbro set up a help line dedicated for arguments that arose playing Monopoly. No, seriously, I’m not joking, this happened! People THAT angry and vexed that they were losing at monopoly could call and talk to someone who would tell them it was just a game and that the money was effectively worthless and calm them down. This game can really get under skin!
It bares mentioning that there’s been a slew of versions of Monopoly. Name a popular movie or TV franchise and it’s probably been Monopolised. Back To The Future, Ghostbusters, Firefly, Adventure Time, Lord Of The Rings, Star Wars, Star Trek, Simpsons, South Park, there’s seemingly no end to the versions of this game, each with their own new play pieces and themed boards.
The game is essentially the same, you’re only kidding yourself that it’s different because it’s something that you enjoy. I’ve avoided these for the fear that playing a monopoly version of these will make me hate that movie or TV show.
It goes without saying that I hate monopoly, I mean, I really hate monopoly. It’s cruel, it’s vindictive, it brings out the absolute worst In people and when the aim of the game is to worm every last penny out of your opponents, at Christmas it’s the very last game you should be playing. It’s the Gremlins of Games. There are countless other board games that you and your family and friends could play and have fun, actual real fun, at Christmas. So…
On Flix, On Grape Escape,
On Ker-Plunk and downfall,
On crossbows and catapults,
and Curse of the Idol
On crossbows and catapults,
and Curse of the Idol
Play games full of joy
that are filled with good heart,
games that bring us together,
that are filled with good heart,
games that bring us together,
Not tear us apart
With your loved ones around,
play games that are fun,
filled with laughs and good times,
for everyone
Bring them down from the attic,
and have fun not a fight,
and merry Christmas to all,
and to all a good night!
These three are going back up there, I’m not touching these this Christmas!
play games that are fun,
filled with laughs and good times,
for everyone
Bring them down from the attic,
and have fun not a fight,
and merry Christmas to all,
and to all a good night!
These three are going back up there, I’m not touching these this Christmas!
